Redefining "Rainbow Baby" After I Lost Mine



For those who don't know, "Rainbow Baby" is a term used for babies born after a loss (such as miscarriage or stillbirth). The topic of Rainbow Babies is super popular in the baby loss community but it's even gone more "mainstream". Head over to any baby aisle and you're likely to find a few adorable onesies that talk about Rainbow Babies.

This term has been really important in my life as of late and it started when I got pregnant with Onyx. I had two miscarriages before him, and once I made it past the weeks that I lost those babies, I started to really associate Onyx as our Rainbow Baby. I bought him a ton of rainbow stuff and whenever I touched my belly I thought about the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".


Onyx's pregnancy announcement

A Rainbow Baby is supposed to bring so much joy and hope and love and I couldn't wait for Onyx to arrive.  When he ended up being born prematurely and died, I got a lot of comments from people about how someday I'd get my Rainbow Baby. And while the comments were all coming from a good place, they were really upsetting.

After some processing, I realized that I've never stopped thinking of Onyx as our Rainbow. He still continues to bring us so much joy and hope and love - everything a Rainbow Baby is associated with. And while yes, Onyx died, the impact he made will always remain. Onyx will always be a part of our lives and the lives of my immediate family.

My mom, step-dad and two of my siblings were really involved in my pregnancy and were able to hold Onyx after he was born. They had their own hopes and dreams for Onyx, their own ideas for things they wanted to do with him, what they wanted to teach him. And those memories don't just go away for them either. Onyx grew in my body so he and I will always have a special relationship, but he also has a special relationship with my family. We've all been moving through the world in a profoundly different way from the moment we found out about Onyx. Sure, we only got 5 months of pregnancy and just 27 hours of seeing him outside the womb, but we have so many happy memories from that short amount of time. He literally changed our lives and continues to have an impact.


Onyx's tiny hand on my mom's finger

When you're pregnant, you start to form a relationship with your baby. Your start to personify them based on their "personality" in the womb and the idea that you have of them in your head. Every time I'd have an ultrasound and the tech would comment how active Onyx was, hearing his heartbeat go super fast, getting to hold his ultrasound photos and share them with others, laughing when Onyx wouldn't cooperate each time the doctor tried to measure him on the ultrasound. And then there are all the memories we made when we got to meet Onyx on the outside.

Those memories don't just go away after your baby dies. And while sometimes they bring tears, they also bring smiles. Grief and joy can coexist and they definitely do for me.

Onyx's life was taken from us, but he will always be our Rainbow Baby.

*click here for my Youtube video about this post








6 Comments

  1. I'd never heard the term 'Rainbow Baby' until reading this, it's a beautiful term. Onyx is a beautiful name, sending lots of love x

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  2. I love this statement...'grief and joy can co-exist'. It's profound. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

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    1. Thank you <3 I have to constantly remind others (and even myself sometimes) that grief and joy can and DO exist.

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  3. The term Rainbow Baby is beautiful and one I haven't come across before. Thank you for sharing your story with us xxx

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  4. This was a beautiful and heartfelt post. Best of luck for your future

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