Yes, My Baby Died, But I'm Not Contagious

I've been thinking a lot about the "contagious" concept that seems to follow families after baby loss. Let me explain.

I've had four different friends message me something along the lines of "I'm haven't talked to you because, like, what if it happens to me?".

This "contagious" idea often results in grieving parents losing their friends because, honestly, baby loss makes people run away from you.

Part of me gets it. When I was pregnant with Onyx I unfollowed all of the baby loss support groups that I was in because I didn't want to become even more anxious than I already was. I get that you don't want to hear about baby loss because you're scared that it could happen to you. Those feelings are valid. Mental health is especially important during pregnancy but here's the thing - I'm not contagious.

Yes, the statistic is 1 in 4 but reading about miscarriage or stillbirth will not make you lose your baby. Pregnancy and infant loss happens for various reasons but I can't ever recall hearing about someone hugging a grieving parent and that being the cause of their baby's death. You aren't going to "catch" baby loss from us.

We're not spending our days planning how we can pass on our pain to other people for revenge. Yes, something really terrible happened but we are not carrying bad karma around because of it. Avoiding baby loss families will not "protect" you because we're not something to be protected from. I'm not some walking untreatable disease just waiting to find another host.

Yes, my baby died. But I'm not contagious.